"If men knew how women pass the time | Funny Quotes

"If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry."-O. Henry

“See, the problem is that God gives | Funny Quotes

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
-Robin Williams

“If you think nobody cares | Funny Quotes

“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
-Earl Wilson

“Any man who can drive safely | Funny Quotes

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
-Albert Einstein

“If you can't convince them, | Funny Quotes

“If you can't convince them, confuse them.”
-Harry S Truman

“Oh, you hate your job? | Quotes, Funny Quotes,

 

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
-Drew Carey

“I am so clever that sometimes | Quotes, Funny Quotes,

 

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
-Oscar Wilde

“Two things are infinite: | Quotes, Funny Quotes,

 

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.”
-Albert Einstein

“Have you ever noticed that anybody | Quotes, Funny Quotes,

 

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
-George Carlin

“Before you criticize someone, | Quotes, Funny Quotes,

 

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
-Jack Handey

“ Watching a Terebyte of movies in one month | Funny Quotes

 

“ Watching a Terebyte of movies in one month is an accomplishment in any country.... accept for Afghanistan”
-Nathan Elmo Melo